A day in the life By Twobit matthews
by CrazySodapopLuvinJD
Summary: Two-Bits thoughts on life, and life related issues. And we all know how Two-bit thinks. Read the disclaimer. new chappy Up! Day in the life of a computer
1. A day in the life of Cats

I did not write this one...I got it from www.FunkyJunk.com it's a great and really funny site. But from now on I'll be writing them, but these are Two- bits thoughts on life and life related things...you'll see lol  
  
What goes through a cat's mind...According to Two-bit Matthews  
  
Monday - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.  
  
Tuesday - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to throw up on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.  
  
Wednesday - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.  
  
Thursday - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan......  
  
Friday - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.  
  
Saturday - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.  
  
Sunday - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to molespeak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.  
  
Ok please review and tell me what you think of the idea..the next one will be one I wrote myself...if you want to see Two-bits thoughts on anything just leave it in a review and I'll write it. They will all be his thoughts over the week... 


	2. A day in the life of Women

Ok Chapter 2, thank you Rocky for helping me with this chapter. And for giving me the idea.  
*Monday* "Attempted to go into the mind of a woman by becoming one for a week. Took me an hour to find shoes that would match my dress, now I see why it takes Women so long to get ready for dates. Almost killed myself trying to get on this restraining device that some women call pantyhose. Went out to show the gang what it was like but realized I had forgotten my underwear....unfortunately I could not wear my usual boxers but instead a devise used to hold my pecs up. I think they called it a bra....what a strange device. next was the thong......I think I may hold onto this one for a while.  
  
*Tuesday* Now that the horror mystery of the women's clothing is out of the way, I now tried to experiment with this thing they call makeup......eyeliner.....foundation....blush...mascara......lipstick....lip liner...lip gloss...eye shadow..... Yet another reason why women take so long to get ready. there are too many objects to use in the process of making themselves look pretty. Have found some objects that I am quite sure are used to torture people....there's no other possible reason for needing them. There is one in particular that the girls hold up next to their eyes. not quite sure if they are trying to see the future or what, but obviously that doesn't happen and they only succeed in making their eyelashes curl. its all far too confusing for me I'm afraid  
  
*Wednesday* Now I am trying to figure out these things girls call jewelry. with all there bracelets and earrings and necklaces and such I'm afraid that it would interfere with my fighting against socs. I do kinda like the wig Soda found for me though.  
  
*Thursday* Today I am actually setting out in the world as a woman, Some guy started hitting on me and I got rather odd looks when I punched him. I then came to the conclusion that I made a rather pretty girl. Walking down the street, all the guys checking me out. Am quite proud of myself for my female likeness. ~~An hour later~~ Ok am starting to worry about some of the people here in Tulsa. Getting far too many looks for just pretending. Sad thing is I still have 3 days and this thong is starting to annoy me.  
  
*Friday* Getting very tired of heals. I don't know how women can walk in them all day. I now have a new respect for any girl who can spend a day in heals and live. Not so bad once you get used to them, still not sure about the thong. Bra has become a rather "Uplifting" part of my day though.  
  
*Saturday* Talked to the gang today about what THEY liked in girls to get an idea of what other guys besides myself are looking for. Mainly talked to Dally and Soda since they seem to get the most girls. Also informed Dally that if he told me to shorten my shirt one more time he would be in severe pain. Soda was a bit more sensitive in his search for a nice girl who he could trust, unlike Sandy and Dallys hookers. Steve for some reason mentioned a girl who is good with Cars, Don't recall actually asking for his opinion but since he stated it I guess I couldn't object.  
  
*Sunday* Finally realized that the guys might not be the best people to talk to about this women stuff, so I went and found some women to enlighten me Found some of there storied rather intriguing. At least up until they started to explain why most girls get cranky once a month, that would explain why us guys cant score while this time is in effect. But I think that I will end my week as a woman at this, I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet. At least not when I'm just now getting used to the thong.  
Alright please review and let me know what you think. And what I should do next. Anyway until next time.  
  
~Rina~ 


	3. A day in the life of a Computer

**_OK guys, me and some of my friends who were here when the Outsiders section STARTED are getting REALLY bored with the stories lately, there's nothing interesting anymore. And all this crap about your stories being new and original? NOPE! You cant take a NEW GIRL and give her a problem and say that's original. That's just a disguise for the fact that SHE'S STILL NEW! New girl moves into town, doesn't matter if she's black, blind, just a floating head whatever you want to do to her does not change the fact hat she is new and in an overdone story. THIS story was new and original. Almost all of my stories were completely new and original at one point and then more of the teeny fans got on the site and started over using my ideas. Granted the new girl, or the time travel (Which is also overused) were not my ideas, but a lot of this stuff was. I HAD THE FIRST SONGFIC! And now there's a lot of them on here. But I do think that the new girl, and the extended family members and time travel and Saying that your Dally when he was in NY story is original (Because its not, me and Augie did that one) the drugs, Sickness is also overused...SLASH! Slash has been WAY overused lately too. Come on ppl use your heads and come up with something that's REALLY new. I know there's more stuff that's overused and stuff but that's all I'm going into right now. I will update my Outsiders read fan fiction if you would like any other ideas on what's old. I came up with that story to let people know what's being overdone. I think it has some helpful tips in the form of an amusing story. Anywho now on to my story._**

**A day in the Life of a Computer by Two-Bit Matthews.**

**Monday**  
Got turned on. NO! not like that/ Although that might have been nice. All this button pushing hurts. And the girl using the computer hits hard when she gets angry at me. Its not my fault she never upgrades. And she listens to such angry music on me, I mean what the hell is MmmBop supposed to be? Are they going to come bop me or something? The only good thing I've downloaded for her was a Mickey Mouse Cartoon. Hooray for computer mice!

**Tuesday**  
I am getting rather tired of being hit when my owner wants something. She'll pet me telling me that I am a good computer but one wrong move and BAM! I get hit. Does anyone respect my feelings? Feels hurt I think I liked being a woman better, At least I was getting HIT ON instead of HIT.

**Wednesday**

A welcome relief today a guy was on.. he kicked my female owner off, I think it was Dally or Steve. For as soon as I pulled up they were looking for naughty sites. I do have to worry about whoever was on when a gay guy site came up. Must find out who it was and stay away from them...Might have been Dally.

**Thursday**  
Alas the female owner is back. And is having a conversation with another female friend. And the weirdest conversation too, they are talking about the gang and me, making us do strange things. Then she got on this site called fan fiction where there are other strange conversations with the gang that I don't remember having.

**Friday**  
Female owner is now looking up lyrics to random songs. Most bizarre songs to except one called "Date Rape". This song reminds me of Tim. "If it wasn't for date rape I would never get laid..." Must remember this to tell the gang.

**Saturday**  
Assume Tim heard about my remark and is now at my female owners house writing threatening E-mails to me. In response I keep shutting myself down when he nears the end of the letter. And Tim is too slow to hit the save button every few minutes causing him to lose threatening letters repeatedly. He soon gives up and goes on his way.

**Sunday**  
My last day in this computer and luckily my female owner is not on me. I am now looking to find who in the gang I should worry about. Have discovered that it IS dally who stumbled upon those sites. Makes a mental note to stay away from Dally for the time being Have also been informed that there are cookies on me...have yet to find edible ones.

_**OK everyone that's it for now, I will try to update stuff more often now that my computer is working again. Leave lots of reviews!**_


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